Chicago


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Chicago The Musical: All That Jazz Lyrics

Songwriters: Ebb, Fred; Kander, John;

Velma:
Come on, Babe
Why don’t we paint the town?
And All That Jazz 

I’m gonna rouge my knees
And roll my stockings down
And All That Jazz.

Start the car
I know a whoopee spot
Where the gin is cold
but the piano’s hot
It’s just a noisy hall
Where there’s a nightly brawl
And All
That
Jazz!

[Dance break]

Slick your hair
And wear your buckle shoes
And All That Jazz!

I hear that father dip
Is gonna blow the blues
And All That Jazz

Hold on, hon
We’re gonna bunny hug
I bought some Aspirin
Down at United Drug

In case you shake apart
And want a brand-new start
To do that –

Velma & Company:
Jazz!

Company:
Skidoo!

Velma:
And All That Jazz

Company:
Hotcha!
Whoopee!

Velma:
And All That Jazz

Company:
Hah! Hah! Hah!

Velma:
It’s just a noisy hall
Where there’s a nightly brawl

All:
And all that Jazz

(Fred Casely and Roxie Hart enter)

Fred:
Listen, your husband ain’t home, is he?
Velma:
No, her husband is not at home!
Find a flask
We’re playing fast and loose

Company:
And All That Jazz!

Velma:
Right up here
Is where I store the juice

Company:
And All That Jazz!

Velma:
Come on babe
We’re gonna brush the sky
I bet you lucky Lindy
Never flew so high
‘Cause in the stratosphere
How could he lend an ear
To All That Jazz

Company:
Oh, you’re gonna see her sheba shimmy shake

Velma:
And All That Jazz!

Company:
Oh, she’s gonna shimmy till her garters break

Velma:
And All That Jazz

Company:
Show her where to park her girdle
Oh, her mother’s blood is curdle
If she’d hear
Her baby’s queer
For All That Jazz!

Velma: Company:
And All That Jazz!
Come on, Babe Oh, you’re gonna see
Why don’t we paint Your
The town? Sheba
And All That Jazz Shimmy shake
And All That Jazz!

I’m gonna Oh,
Rouge my knees She’s gonna shimmy
And roll my ‘Till her garters
Stockings down Break
And All That Jazz And All That Jazz

Start the car Show her where to
I know a whoopee spot Park her girdle
Where the gin is cold Oh, her mother’s blood’d
But the piano’s hot. Curdle
It’s just a noisy hall If she’d hear
Where there’s a nightly brawl Her baby’s queer
And All That Jazz! For All That Jazz!

Roxie:
So, that’s it, huh Fred?
Fred:
Yeah, I’m afraid so Roxie.
Roxie:
Oh, Fred…
Girls:
Oh, Fred…
Fred:
Yeah?
Roxie:
Nobody walks out on me.

(Roxie shoots him.)

Fred:
Sweetheart –
Roxie:
Oh, don’t “sweetheart” me, you son-of-a-bitch!

(Roxie shoots him again. Fred dies.)

Company:
Hotcha!
Whoopee!
Jazz!
Roxie:
Oh, I gotta pee.

(Roxie exits.)

Velma:
No, I’m no one’s wife
But, oh, I love my life
And All That Jazz!

Company:
That Jazz!

Musical: Chicago
Song: We Both Reached for the Gun

Reporters:
Where’d you come from?

Billy (as Roxie):
Mississippi

Reporters:
And your parents?

Billy (as Roxie):
Very wealthy.

Reporters:
Where are they now?

Billy (as Roxie):
Six feet under.

Billy:
But she was granted one more start

Billy (as Roxie):
The convent of the sacred heart!

Reporters:
When’d you get there?

Billy (as Roxie):
1920

Reporters:
How old were you?

Billy (as Roxie):
Don’t remember

Reporters:
Then what happened?

Billy (as Roxie):
I met Amos
And he stole my hear away
Convinced me to elope one day

Mary Sunshine:
A convent girl! A run-away marriage! Oh, it’s too terrible.
You poor, poor dear.

Reporters:
Who’s Fred Casely?

Billy (as Roxie):
My ex-boy friend.

Reporters:
Why’d you shoot him.

Billy (as Roxie):
I was leavin’.

Reporters:
Was he angry?

Billy (as Roxie):
Like a madman!
Still I said, “Fred, move along.”

Billy:
She knew that she was doin’ wrong

Reporters:
Then describe it

Billy (as Roxie):
He came toward me.

Reporters:
With a pistol?

Billy (as Roxie):
From my bureau

Reporters:
Did you fight him?

Billy (as Roxie):
Like a tiger

Billy:
He had strength and she had none

Billy (as Roxie):
And yet we both reached for the gun
Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes we both
Oh yes, we both
Oh yes, we both reached for
The gun, the gun, the gun, the gun
Oh yes, we both reached for the gun
For the gun.

Billy and Reporters:
Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes they both
Oh yes, they both
Oh yes, they both reached for
The gun, the gun, the gun, the gun
Oh yes, they both reached for the gun
For the gun.

Billy:
Understandable, understandable
Yes, it’s perfectly understandable
Comprehensible, comprehensible
Not a bit reprehensible
It’s so defensible!

Reporters:
How you’re feeling?

Billy (as Roxie):
Very frightened

Reporters:
Are you sorry?

Roxie:
Are you kidding?

Reporters:
What’s your statement?

Billy (as Roxie):
All I’d say is
Though my choo-choo jumped my track
I’d give my life to bring him back

Reporters:
And?

Billy (as Roxie):
Stay away from

Reporters:
What?

Billy (as Roxie):
Jazz and liquor

Reporters:
And?

Billy (as Roxie):
And the man who

Reporters:
What?

Billy (as Roxie):
Play for fun

Reporters:
And what?

Billy (as Roxie):
That’s the thought that

Reporters:
Yeah!

Billy (as Roxie):
Came upon me

Reporters:
When?

Billy (as Roxie):
When we both reached for the gun!

Mary Sunshine:
Understandable, understandable

Billy and Mary Sunshine:
Yes, it’s perfectly understandable
Comprehensible, comprehensible
Not a bit reprehensible
It’s so defensible!

Billy: Reporters:
Let me Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes they both
Hear it! Oh yes, they both
Oh yes, they both reached for
The gun, the gun, the gun,
The gun
Oh yes, they both reached
For the gun
A little louder! For the gun.
Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes they both
Oh yes, they both
Oh yes, they both reached
For the gun, the gun,
Now you got it! The gun, the gun
Oh yes, they both reached
For the gun
For the gun.

Billy and reporters:
Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes they both
Oh yes, they both
Oh yes, they both reached for
The gun, the gun, the gun, the gun
Oh yes, they both reached for the gun.

Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes they both
Oh yes, they both
Oh yes, they both reached for
The gun, the gun, the gun, the gun,
The gun, the gun, the gun, the gun,
The gun, the gun, the gun, the gun,
The gun, the gun, the gun, the gun.

Billy:
Both reached for the…gun

Reporters:
The gun, the gun, the gun, the gun
The gun, the gun, the gun, the gun
The gun, the gun, the gun, the gun
The gun, the gun, the gun, the gun
Both reached for the gun.

First Reporter:
“Stop The Presses!”

Second Reporter:
“‘We Both Reached For The Gun,’ Says Roxie!”

Third Reporter:
“Dancing Feet Lead To Sorrow, Says Beautiful Jazz Slayer!”

Fifth Reporter:
“Jazz And Liquor, Roxie’s Downfall!”

Musical: Chicago
Song: Nowadays

Roxie:
…gone, it’s all gone.

It’s good, isn’t it?
Grand, isn’t it?
Great, isn’t it?
Swell, isn’t it?
Fun, isn’t it?
Nowadays

There’s man, everywhere
Jazz, everywhere
Booze, everywhere
Life, everywhere
Joy, everywhere
Nowadays

You can like the life you’re living
You can live the life you like
You can even marry Harry
But mess around with Ike
And that’s

Good, isn’t it?
Grand, isn’t it?
Great, isn’t it?
Swell, isn’t it?
Fun, isn’t it…

ANNOUNCER:
Ladies and Gentlemen, the Vickers Theater, Chicago’s finest
home of family and entertainment, is proud to announce a first.
The first time, anywhere, there has been an act of this nature.
Not only one little lady, but two! You’ve read about them in the
papers and now here they are – a double header! Chicago’s own
killer dillers – those two scintillating sinners –
Roxie Hart and Velma Kelly!

Roxie and Velma:
You can like the life you’re living
You can live the life you like
You can even marry Harry
But mess around with Ike
And that’s
Good, isn’t it?
Grand, isn’t it?
Great, isn’t it?
Swell, isn’t it?
Fun, isn’t it?
But nothing stays

In fifty years or so
It’s gonna change, you know
But, oh, it’s heaven
Nowadays

And that’s
Good, isn’t it?
Grand, isn’t it?
Great, isn’t it?
Swell, isn’t it?
Fun, isn’t it?
But nothing stays

In fifty years or so
It’s gonna change, you know
But, oh, it’s heaven
Nowadays

ANNOUNCER
Okay, you babes of jazz. Let’s pick up the pace.
Let’s shake the blues away. Let’s make the parties
longer. Let’s make the skirts shorter and shorter.
Let’s make the music hotter. Let’s all go to hell
in a fast car and KEEP IT HOT!

(Roxie and Velma dance the…)

Musical: Chicago
Song: Cell Block Tango

Liz:
Pop.

Annie:
Six.

June:
Squish.

Hunyak:
Uh-Uh.

Velma:
Cicero.

Mona:
Lipschitz!

Liz:
Pop.

Annie:
Six.

June:
Squish.

Hunyak:
Uh-Uh.

Velma:
Cicero.

Mona:
Lipschitz!

Liz:
Pop.

Annie:
Six.

June:
Squish.

Hunyak:
Uh-Uh.

Velma:
Cicero.

Mona:
Lipschitz!

Liz:
Pop.

Annie:
Six.

June:
Squish.

Hunyak:
Uh-Uh.

Velma:
Cicero.

Mona:
Lipschitz!

All:
He had it coming
He had it coming
He only had himself to blame.
If you’d have been there
If you’d have seen it

Velma:
I betcha you would have done the same!

Liz:
Pop.

Annie:
Six.

June:
Squish.

Hunyak:
Uh-Uh.

Velma:
Cicero.

Mona:
Lipschitz!

Liz:
Pop.

Annie:
Six.

June:
Squish.

Hunyak:
Uh-Uh.

Velma:
Cicero.

Mona:
Lipschitz!

All:
He had it coming
He had it coming
He only had himself to blame.
If you’d have been there
If you’d have seen it

Velma:
I betcha you would have done the same!

Liz:
Pop.

Annie:
Six.

June:
Squish.

Hunyak:
Uh-Uh.

Velma:
Cicero.

Mona:
Lipschitz!

Liz: Girls:
You know how people He had it coming
have these little habits that He had it coming
get you down. Like Bernie. He only had himself to blame.
Bernie liked to chew gum.
No, not chew. Pop. Well, I If you’d have been there
came home this one day and If you’d have seen it
I am really irritated, and I betcha you would
looking for a little sympathy Have done the same!
and there’s Bernie layin’ on He had it coming
the couch, drinkin’ a beer and He had it coming
chewin’. No, not chewin’. He only had himself to blame.
Popin’. So, I said to him, I If you’d have been there
said, “Bernie, you pop that If you’d have seen it
gum one more time…” I betcha you would
And he did! Have done the same!

Liz:
So I took the shotgun off the wall
and fired two warning shots…
…into his head.

All:
He had it coming
He had it coming
He only had himself to blame.
If you’d have been there
If you’d have heard it
I betcha you would
Have done the same!

Liz: Girls:
I met Ezekiel Young from He had it coming
Salt Lake City about two years ago He had it coming
and he told me he was single He only had himself
and we hit it off right away. To blame.
So, we started living together. If you’d have been there
He’d go to work, he’d come work, I’d mix If you’d have seen it
Him a drink, we’d have dinner. Well, it was I betcha you would
like heaven in two and a half rooms. Have done the same!
And then I found out, He had it coming
“Single” he told me? He had it coming
Single, my ass. Not only was he married. He only had himself
…oh, no, he had six wives. To blame.
One of those Mormons, If you’d have been there
you know. So that night when If you’d have seen it
he came home. I mixed him I betcha you would
his drink as usual. Have done the same!

Annie:
You know, some guys just can’t hold their arsenic!

Liz, Annie, June, Mona: Velma & Hunyak:
Hah! He had it coming Pop, Six, Squish, Uh-Uh,
He had it coming Cicero, Lipschitz!
He took a flower
In its prime
And the he used it Pop, Six, Squish, Uh-Uh,
And he abused it Cicero, Lipschitz!
It was a murder
But not a crime!

June: Girls:
Now, I’m standing in the kitchen Pop, Six,
carvin’ up the chicken for dinner, Squish, Uh-Uh,
minding my own business, Cicero, Lipschitz!
and in storms my husband Wilbur, Pop, Six,
in a jealous rage. Squish, Uh-Uh,
“You been screwin’ the milkman,” Cicero, Lipschitz!
he says. He was crazy Pop, Six,
and he kept on screamin’ Squish, Uh-Uh,
“You been screwin’ the milkman,” Cicero, Lipschitz!

June:
And then he ran into my knife! He ran into my knife TEN TIMES!

All:
If you’d have been there
If you’d have seen it
I betcha you would have done the same!

Hunyak:
Mit keresek, enn itt? Azt mondjok, hogy lakem lefogta a ferjemet
en meg lecsaptam a fejet. De nem igaz, en artatlan vagyok. Nem
tudom mert mondja Uncle Sam hogy en tetten. Probaltam a rendorsegen
megmagyarazni de nem ertettek meg…

June:
Yeah, but did you do it?
Hanyak:
UH UH, not guilty!

Velma: Girls:
My sister, Veronica, and I did this double act He had it coming
and my husband, Charlie, used to travel He had it coming
round with us. Now for the last number in He only had
our act, we did these 20 acrobatic tricks in a Himself
row, one, two, three, four, five… To blame.
Splits, spread eagles, back flips, flip flops, If you’d have been there
one right after the other. Well, this one night If you’d have seen it
we are in Cicero, the three of us, sittin’ up I betcha
in a hotel room, boozin’ and havin’ a few You would
laughs and we ran out of ice, Have done
so I went out to get some. The same!
I come back, open the door He had
And there’s Veronica and It coming
Charlie doing Number Seventeen He had
-the spread eagle. It coming…

Velma:
Well, I was in such a state of shock, I completely blacked out.
I can’t remember a thing. It wasn’t until later, when I was
washing the blood off my hands I even knew they were dead.

Girls:
They had it coming
They had it coming
They had it coming all along.
I didn’t do it
But if I’d done it
How could you tell me that I was wrong?

Velma: Girls:
They had it coming
They had it coming
They had it coming
They had it coming
They had it coming
They took a flower
All along
In its prime
I didn’t do it
And then they used it
But if I’d done it
And they abused it
How could you tell me
It was a murder
That I was wrong? But not a crime!

Mona: Girls:
I love Alvin Lipschitz He had it coming
More than I can possibly say. He had it coming
He was a real artistic guy… He only had
Sensitive…a painter. Himself t
But he was troubled. To blame.
He was always trying If you’d have been
to find himself. There
He’d go out every night If you’d have seen it
looking for himself I betcha
and along the way You would
he found Ruth, Have done
Gladys, The same!
Rosemary and Irving.

Mona:
I guess you can say we broke up because of artistic differences.
He saw himself as alive and I saw him dead.

All:
The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum
The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum

Liz, Annie, Mona: Velma, June, Hunyak:
They had it comin’
They had it comin’
They had it comin’
They had it comin’
They had it comin’
They had it comin’
All along
All along
‘Cause if they used us
‘Cause if they used us
And they abused us
And they abused us
How could you tell us
How could you tell us
That we were wrong?
That we were wrong?

Velma, June, Hunyak:
He had it coming
He had it coming
He only had
Himself
To blame.
If you’d have been there
If you’d have seen it
I betcha
You would
Have done
The same!

Liz:
You pop that gum one more time!

Annie:
Single my ass.

June:
Ten times!

Hunyak:
Miert csukott Uncle Sam bortonbe.

Velma:
Number Seventeen – the spread eagle.

Mona:
Artistic differences.

All:
I betcha you would have done the same!

ANNOUNCER:
And now, Ladies and Gentlemen – the Keeper of the Keys, the
Countess of the Clink, the Mistress of Murder’s row – Matron
“Mama” Morton!

Musical: Chicago
Song: Funny Honey

ANNOUNCER:
For her first number, Miss Roxie Hart would like to sing a song
of love and devotion dedicated to her dear husband Amos.

FUNNY HONEY
Roxie:
Sometimes I’m right
Sometimes I’m wrong
But he doesn’t care
He’ll string along
He loves me so
That funny honey of mine!

Sometimes I’m down
Sometimes I’m up
But he follows ‘round
Like some droopy-eyed pup
He loves me so
That funny honey of mine!

He ain’t no sheik
That’s no great physique
Lord knows he ain’t got the smarts

Oh, but look at that soul
I tell you, that whole
Is a whole lot greater
Than the sum of his parts

And if you knew him like me
I know you’d agree
What if the world
Slander my name?
Why, he’d be right there
Taking the blame

He loves me so
And it all suits me fine
That funny, sunny, honey
Hubby of mine!

Amos:
A man’s got the right to protect his home and his loved ones, right?
Fogarty:
Of course, he has!
Amos:
Well, I come in from the garage, Officer, and I see him coming
through the window. With my wife Roxanne there, sleepin’…
Like an angel…

Roxie: Amos:
He loves me so …an angel!
That funny honey of mine!

Amos:
I mean supposin’, just supposin’, he had violated her or somethin’…you
know what I mean…violated?

Fogarty:
I know what you mean…
Amos:
…or somethin’. Think how terrible that would have been. It’s a good
thing I came home from work on time, I’m tellin’ ya that! I say I’m
tellin’ ya that!

Roxie:
He loves me so
That funny honey of mine!

Fogarty:
Name of deceased…Fred Casely.
Amos:
Fred Casely. How could he be a burglar? My wife knows him!
He sold us our furniture!

Roxie:
Lord knows he ain’t got the smarts

Amos:
She lied to me. She told me he was a burglar.
Fogarty:
You mean he was dead when you got home?
Amos:
She had him covered with a sheet and she’s givin’ me that cock
and a bull story about this burglar, and I ought to say I did
it ‘cause I was sure to get off. Burglar, huh!

Roxie: Amos:
Now, he shot off his trap And I believed her!
That cheap little tramp. So, she
I can’t stand that sap was two-timing me, huh?
Well, then, she can just
swing for all I care.
Look at him go Boy, I’m down at the garage,
Rattin’ on me working my butt off fourteen
With just one more brain hours a day and she’s up there
What half-wit he’d be munchin’ on God-damn bon-bons
and jazzing. This time she
If they string me up pushed me too far.
I’ll know who That little chiseler.
Brought the twine Boy, what a sap I was!

That scummy, crummy
Dummy hubby of mine

Musical: Chicago
Song: Roxie

Roxie:
The name on everybody’s lips
Is gonna be Roxie
The lady rakin’ in the chips
Is gonna be Roxie

I’m gonna be a celebrity
That means somebody everyone knows
They’re gonna recognize my eyes
My hair, my teeth, my boobs, my nose

From just some dumb mechanic’s wife
I’m gonna be Roxie
Who says that murder’s not an art?

And who in case she doesn’t hang
Can say she started with a bang?
Foxy Roxie Hart!

Roxie:
You wanna know something? I always wanted to be in vaudeville.
And now that I’m a celebrity, I’m gonna have me a swell act,
too. Yeah, I’ll get a boy to work with – someone who can lift
me up, show me off – Oh, hell, I’ll get two boys. It’ll frame
me better. Think “Big,” Roxie, think “Big.” I’m gonna get me
a whole bunch of boys.

The name on everybody’s lips
Is gonna be

Boys:
Roxie

Roxie:
The lady rakin’ in the chips is gonna be

Boys:
Roxie
She’s gonna be a celebrity

Roxie:
That means somebody everyone knows

Boys:
They’re gonna recognize her eyes
Her hair, her teeth…

Roxie:
…my boobs, my nose
Ooh, ah ah ah
From just some dumb mechanic’s wife
I’m gonna be
Sing it!

Boys:
Roxie

Roxie:
Who says that murder’s not an art?

Boys:
And who in case she doesn’t hang

Roxie:
Can say she started with a bang?

Boys:
Foxy Roxie Hart!

Boys:
They’re gonna wait outside in line
To get to see Roxie

Roxie:
Think of those autographs I’ll sign
“Good luck to you, Roxie”
And I’ll appear in a lavaliere
That goes all the way down to my waist

Boys:
Here a ring, there a ring
Everywhere a ring a ling

Roxie:
But always the best of taste
Oooh, I’m a star.

Boys;
And the audience loves her.

Roxie:
And I love the audience. And the audience loves me for
loving them. And I love the audience for loving me. And
we just love each other. That’s because none of us got
enough love in our childhood.

Boys:
That’s right.

Roxie:
And that’s show biz, kid.

Boys:
Oh, yeah.
She’s giving up her humdrum life

Roxie:
I’m gonna be

Boys:
Roxie.
She made a scandal and a start.

Roxie:
And Sophie Tucker will shit, I know
To see her name get billed below

All:
Foxy Roxie Hart

Boys:
Chuh, chuh, chuh, etc…

Roxie:
Oooh ah ah ah ah ah ah
(As boys exit)
Those are my boys.

Musical: Chicago
Song: Razzle Dazzle

Bailiff:
Mr. Flynn, his honor is here

Billy:
Thank you. Just a moment. You ready?

Roxie:
Oh Billy, I’m so scared!

Billy:
Roxie. You got nothing to worry about. It’s all a circus, kid.
A three ring circus. These trial – the whole world – all show
business. But kid, you’re working with a star, the biggest!

Give ‘em the old razzle dazzle
Razzle dazzle ‘em
Give ‘em act with lots of flash in it
And the reaction will be passionate
Give ‘em the old hocus pocus
Bread and feather ‘em
How can they see with sequins in their eyes?

What if your hinges all are rusting?
What if, in fact, you’re just disgusting ?

Razzle dazzle ‘em
And they’ll never catch wise!
Eh Eh Eh Eh
Ah! Ah! Ah!
Give ‘em the old razzle dazzle

Billy and Company:
Razzle dazzle ‘em
Give ‘em a show that’s so splendiferous

Billy:
Row after row will grow vociferous

Billy and Company:
Give ‘em the old flim flam flummox
Fool and fracture ‘em

Billy:
How can they hear the truth above the roar?

Billy and Company:
Throw ‘em a fake and a finagle
They’ll never know you’re just a bagel,

Billy:
Razzle dazzle ‘em
And they’ll beg you for more!

Billy and Company:
Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!
Give ‘em the old razzle dazzle
Razzle dazzle ‘em
Back since the days of old Methuselah
Everyone loves the big bambooz-a-ler

Give ‘em the old three ring circus
Stun and stagger ‘em
When you’re in trouble, go into your dance
Though you are stiffer than a girder
They let ya get away with a murder
Razzle dazzle ‘em
And you’ve got a romance

Give ‘em the old
Razzle dazzle

Billy:
Razzle dazzle ‘em
Give ‘em an act that’s unassailable
They’ll wait a year ‘til your available!

Billy and Company:
Give ‘em the old
Double whammy

Billy:
Daze and dizzy ‘em
Show ‘em the first rate sorcerer you are

Billy and Company:
Long as you keep ‘em way off balance
How can they spot you got no talents?

Billy:
Razzle dazzle ‘em

Company:
Razzle dazzle ‘em

Billy:
Razzle dazzle ‘em

Billy and Company:
And they’ll make you a star!

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